Loved these from Gill Staden’s excellent weekly Livingstonian.

Actual Absentee Notes from Parents in South Africa

– My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

– Please excuse Promise for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

– Dear School: Please ekscuse Sipho being absent on Juneuary 28, 29, 30, 32 and also 33.

– Please excuse Blessing from PE for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his
hip.

– Please excuse Khanyile from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the
shittings.

– Please ekxcuse Wiseman for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the verunda, and when we found it on Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

– Winnie was absent December 11 – 16, because she had a fever, sore thorat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and shore thorat, her brother has a low grade fever and headache ached all over, I wass’nt the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.