Another great one from Judy in Australia:The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n.
The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj.
Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v.
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v.
To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj.
6. Negligent, adj.
Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.
To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n.
9. Flatulence, n.
Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n.
A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n.
A humorous question on an exam.