Nursery Rhymes with attitude – thank to Judy in Australia.

1. Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

2. Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.

3. Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

4. Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jill came down with half a crown
I guess they didn’t go for water!

5. Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
‘What have you got there?’
Said the pie man unto Simon,
‘Pies, you dumb ass’ !!

6. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings’ horses,
And all the kings’ men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

7. Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

8. Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too ’cause he was gay.

9. There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad…
She got a fur coat, jewels and a sports car.

You have to be old enough to appreciate this. If you don’t understand, it is because you’re just too young!!!