Loved these from Gill Staden in The Livingstonian! Appropriate for Sunday!

“A few good ones from the church notice boards …“

– Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

– Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children

– Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

– The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

– Potluck supper Sunday at 5 pm – prayer and medication to follow.

– The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

– This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

– Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

– The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies in the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

– Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 pm. Please use the back door.

– The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

– Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

– The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I upped My Pledge – Up Yours”

Lol! In a word!