Thanks to Derek and apologies to all scousers and Iraqis!

The Liverpool manager, Rafael Benitez, flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football, is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield, home of Liverpool FC.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 1-0 down to Manchester Utd with only 20 minutes left to play. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 2 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.

The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

“Hello mum, guess what?’ he says ‘I played for 20 minutes today, and we were 1-0 down but I scored 2 and we won, Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.’

‘Wonderful,’ says his mum, ‘Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed; your sister and I were ambushed, and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such a great time playing bloody football.’

The young lad is very upset. ‘What can I say mum, but I’m so sorry.’
“Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!” shrieks his mum,

“It’s your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!