Cars and Computers



I liked this one sent me by Judy in Australia

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash……..Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

PS – I’d like to add that when all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!

0

Poor Skippy!


Thanks to Roger Jones (again!)

Kiddies’ party costume $100

National flag 50c

Return flights $2500

Accommodation $2500

Budweiser beers at stadium $50 x 3

Entertainment & local sheilas $1000

Result: Germany 5 Australia 0

Post-match photo . . . . PRICELESS ……

Post-match photo . . . . PRICELESS

0

The Creation Down Under


In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach…..And BBQ’s……

He created night for going prawning, sleeping and BBQ’s, and God saw that it was good.

On the Second Day, God created water….for surfing, swimming, and BBQ’s on the beach, and God saw that it was good.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer
and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good..

On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans, chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ’s, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ’s, and God saw that it was good.

On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good .. …

Well…. Almost good…..
He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.

So God created Sheilas (seen above) to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good…..

It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!!

0
Page 5 of 5 12345