Thanks to Judy in Australia for these gems!
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee: The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Willy-nilly: Impotent.
5. Negligent: Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
6. Flatulence: Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller
10. Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline