Thanks to Judy in Australia for these few gems!

– Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday this year”. Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th then.”

– I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.  To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

– A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche…

– A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?’
Granny replies, f@@k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

– Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room.  Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, ‘Dad, what’s love juice?’
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, ‘So what were you watching?’
Billy says, ‘ Wimbledon .’

– A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: ‘I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.’
He replies, ‘Your eyesight is perfect.’

Enjoy the weekend!