The Slim Will Experience!

Meet Slim Will (above) aka Bwalya Chanda, radio presenter, marketing expert, and Guest on the most recent edition of the Chanters Lodge Experience with the Milli Jam Ingredient featuring Jay Hillz, our radio show airing on Zambezi fm, Livingstone’s leading local radio station. It was a special edition as it was Milli Jam’s birthday though we refrained from singing ‘Happy Birthday To You’ on air!

First up Milli Jim wanted to know how Slim Will got that name observing that now anyway, Will was not that slim! Rude boy! Bwalya explained that when he he’d been at Namwianga Secondary School in Kalomo he’d been a rapper and needing a name he’d chosen Slim because he’s a fan of Eminem and Will through Will Smith. The name had stuck. Slim Will told listeners that he had first become involved with Zambezi fm in 2008 when he’d applied for a position as a presenter only to be rejected. However he had been lucky to be appointed to the marketing department which had been his way in to eventually doing some presentation. He now had a full time job with Government in the Ministry of Home Affairs as an assistant registration officer but still presented part time on the station. He also had business interests in Black Rock Foundation and Deemac Entertainments – both involved with events production, marketing and management.

The music on the show was good as usual featuring tracks from Jennifer Lawrence, Blonde featuring Melissa Steel as well as Ottawa and Olly Murs featuring Demi Levato. The guys dropped a latest Zambian smash hit from Chinzy Kelly as well as Diva from Petersen. Others were from Ne-Yo and Eminem ft Sia. We closed with Tiesto’s ‘Light Years Away’.

Slim Will told listeners that he loved the music of the 90’s which he felt was more real than the current hits. His favourite international artist is still Eminem, locally he favours Cheffy and Macky2. As we went on air there was great tension across Zambia to see whether Zambian singer Macky2 would win Big Brother Africa and the US$300,000 grand prize. Unfortunately he was ‘evicted’ third from the end but he did very well. Slim Will supports Mufulira Wanderers and Manchester United, his favourite Man U players, Ronaldo and a certain Wayne Rooney. He told listeners that his relationship at the moment was ‘complicated’, but he was delighted to announce that he had very recently become a father following the birth of his 15 day old son Ben. He has a foundation diploma in IT from Livingstone Institute for Business and Engineering Studies.

Bwalya advised listeners to put education first ‘so that they knew what they were doing.’ In ten years’ time he hoped to have a high position in the Zambia Civil Service, to still be involved in entertainment and to have done well in business. He wanted to ‘make a difference’ and we had no doubt that this hard working, personable self assured young man would do just that.

0

The JLove Experience!

Meet Joseph ‘JLove’ Kaleb, guest on the most recent edition of the Chanters Lodge Experience with the Milli Jam Ingredient featuring Jay Hillz. The Experience is the weekly radio show we sponsor every Sunday night on Zambezi 107.7 fm, Livingstone’s favourite local radio station. Joseph told Milli Jam ‘not to ask about his surname’ and that he was Nsenga by tribe from the Eastern Province of Zambia. “What about the Jlove?” I wondered. “Oh man!” He replied, “that’s my stage name!” He explained that he’s a singer and music producer, having already recorded and released an album entitled ‘The Mixed Emotions Of Mr J Love’. “Why that title?” Jay Hillz asked and JLove explained that he had lost his mum when he was quite young and the album reflected that sadness as well as the joy of living. His new album, due for release soon, would be called ‘Unleashing Point’. We got the message!

JLove told listeners that he’d lived a large part of his life in South Africa where his late dad had been a missionary. He said that he came from a very large family and that he had nine siblings of whom he was aware – he’s the ninth out of ten – he talked of three mums as well. Milli Jam (father of five) murmured “what is it about Africa Richard”? “Don’t bring me into this!” I replied. JLove said he had been at high school in Kimberley in RSA and had gone on to study IT in which he has a diploma and is a specialist. His production company in Johannesburg is called Sparrow Productions which he co-owns with brother Destiny and which was ‘inherited’ from a Will. K. Banda. JLove is the father of one little boy Jerome, aged 6 months. “What about marriage?” Wondered Milli Jam. “Don’t rush me man!” The reply.

The music on the show was good as usual featuring tracks from Labrinth, James Bay, Madonna, Take That and Ne-Yo, as well as African tracks from Manas ft More Money, T-Pain, Tio and Alice Chuma. Our oldie of the week was the Alice Chuma track and we gave away dinner for two to a lucky winner who texted us the answer to our simple question in good time.

JLove told us that he loves R&B and that his favourite Zambian artist is Maureen Lilanda. Internationally he favours Bow Wow and Buster Rhymes with whom he once shared the stage for a show in South Africa – “a really cool memory”, he said. He supports Bayern Munich in the German league but has no particular preference in English football clubs. He has played shows in many neighbouring African countries. He has accounts on both Facebook and Twitter – on Twitter he is @MRJLOVER. He writes his own music which is clearly what he loves to do, probably even more than producing or singing. His musical life started from church as a child.

Asked when he would be returning to South Africa JLove replied some time in the new year, and asked where he would like to be and what he would like to be doing ten years’ from now he said he would like to be a singing music mogul in Zambia. We had no doubt that this self assured, confident young musician/producer would fulfill his ambitions!

0

The Australian Experience

We were delighted to welcome bank Isaac Mwanza (above) to the latest edition of the Chanters Lodge Experience with the Milli Jam Ingredient featuring George da Soulchild Kaufela. It was Isaac’s second time to be our guest on the programme. Why then ‘The Australian Experience’ you’re wondering about the caption above? Well, Isaac is a Zambian but for the past year he’s been studying and working in Australia so, as he was back in Zambia for a short holiday, we invited him on to the show to tell us all about his Australian experience. Before leaving for Australia in January 2013, Isaac had been a full time employee and presenter at Zambezi 107.7 fm, Livingstone’s leading local radio station which hosts our show every Sunday night for an hour at 20.30 hrs.

Isaac told listeners that he was in college in Townsville, a city on the north-eastern coast of Queensland, Australia, adjacent to the central section of the Great Barrier Reef in the dry tropics region of Queensland. He is studying for an Advanced Diploma in Information Technology and hopes to finish the course by the end of this year. From there he wants to remain in Australia and go to University for a degree in IT. “How are you financing the project?” Milli Jam wanted to know and Isaac explained that he had been lucky to get a part time job in a warehouse belonging to a big company dealing in building supplies. He was involved in occupational health and safety with the company and he hoped, eventually, to be able to persuade the company to sponsor his further education. It did mean that he had a very busy life fitting in both work and studies.

The music on this show was latest. We opened with Clean Bandit’s huge hit ‘Rather Be’ featuring Jess Glynn, back to back with a new release from The Vamps. George chose tracks from Tk and Izeal as well as Bobby East, while Milli Jam went for Lorde’s ‘Royals’ song of the year at the Grammies. He also featured Ellie Goulding’s smash ‘Burn’. Our oldie of the week was a local track – ‘Juju Lover’ by Daddy Zemus and the prize we give of a dinner for two with drinks at the lodge to the first person to text us the name of the performing artist, was quickly snapped up! We closed with Neon Jungle’s ‘Braveheart’.

Isaac told listeners that he was too busy in Australia to spend much time missing Zambia! He was still a full time Arsenal supporter but the time differences and his busy schedule made it difficult to watch every game on TV. He told us that Australians are fanatics about rugby and he had subsequently developed an interest in the sport. “Are you married in Australia?” Milli Jam wanted to know. Huge laughter followed and eventually the answer ‘no’ was heard! Isaac said he would be in Livingstone until February 3rd and while he was in town he was appearing on radio on Friday and Saturday nights. So far he had not had the chance to DJ or to appear on radio in Australia, but he hoped eventually that that would be a dream come true.

Asked where he would like to be and what he would like to be doing ten years from now, Isaac said he hoped to have his own IT business, to be happily married with children as well as a lovely house and car. Given his drive, personality and hard work we were sure he would succeed and observed to young people listening that they should follow Isaac’s hard work and determination to succeed.

0

Quantum Computing Revolution

This from engadget excited me!

If you’ve been paying attention, you know the quantum computing revolution is coming — and so far the world has a mini quantum network, not to mention the $10,000 D-Wave One, to show for it. Researchers from the University of Melbourne and University College, London, have now developed the “first working quantum bit based on a single atom of silicon.” By measuring and manipulating the magnetic orientation, or spin, of an electron bound to a phosphorus atom embedded in a silicon chip, the scientists were able to both read and write information, forming a qubit, the basic unit of data for quantum computing.

The team used a silicon transistor, which detects the electron’s spin and captures its energy when the spin’s direction is “up.” Once the electron is in the transistor, scientists can change its spin state any way they choose, effectively “writing” information and giving them control of the quantum bit. The next step will be combing two qubits into a logic step, with the ultimate goal being a full-fledged quantum computer capable of crunching numbers, cracking encryption codes and modeling molecules that would put even supercomputers to shame. But, you know, baby steps.

 
0

Zambia Meets UK For Children With Special Needs

Meet Chris Bentley, Cynthia Chisangano and Doug Staff, our Guests on the most recent edition of The Chanters Lodge Experience with the Milli Jam Ingredient, featuring George da Soulchild Kaufela. The show is sponsored by Chanters Lodge and airs every Sunday between 20.30 and 21.30 hrs on Zambezi 107.7 fm, Livingstone’s leading local radio station – ‘Let The Waves Flow’ is their motto, and they certainly did last Sunday night!

Two of our Guests – Chris and Doug hail from UK and were visiting Zambia as part of a reciprocal partnership between Zambia and the UK, of schools, or departments in schools, catering for children with special needs. Cynthia is in charge of the department of children with special needs at David Livingstone High School in Livingstone, while Chris and Doug are teachers at Crowdy’s Hill School in Swindon, UK. That school has some 130 students with special and complex needs, some with mental health issues. The original contact was made by Cynthia who in 2010, perusing Facebook as we in Zambia often do, came across the page for the British Council and a feature about possible reciprocal arrangements between schools worldwide with departments of special needs. She was on to it in a flash and the link between David Livingstone High School and Crowdy’s Hill was established. Cynthia visited UK earlier this year and Doug and Chris told listeners they were much enjoying meeting the staff and children involved in Cynthia’s department at David Livingstone High School.
This music on the show was the usual rich mixture that Milli Jam, George and I create each week! Tracks were from Misha B, Angel, Paulina Rubio and Far East Movement ft Cover Drive. Others were from Danny and Slap Dee, with tracks from Sean Paul ft Kelly Rowland as well as Usher. Our oldie of the week, chosen by Milli Jam, was by Destiny’s Child. Worried about the poor response in recent weeks to our offer of a dinner for two at the lodge to the first person to text us the name of the artist featured in our oldie of the week, we came in half way through the track telling listeners to ‘come on and text’ and the response improved immediately and the prize was won. A lesson learned.
Doug told listeners that he was married with two sons, Chris is engaged to be married and Cynthia’s single. The group’s main aim at the moment is to ensure the sustainability of their project – to this end they are interested in David Livingstone High School becoming a British Council ‘Learning Hub’ attracting new sponsored finance and more importantly new computers and internet connectivity for the school and, out of hours, for the community. We wished them the best of luck in their endeavors.
 
Milli Jam wondered whether Doug and Chris would have time for any tourist activities during their visit to Livingstone and the guys explained that they would go white water rafting and later on the sunset cruise the following Tuesday. They were much looking forward to their day off – granted them by Cynthia who was their boss for the week! She would stay at the school and work! Asked where they would like to be and what they would like to be doing ten years from now, Chris said he hoped still to be teaching children with special needs, maintaining his links with Zambia, Doug wanted to be coaching canoeing and kayaking in Canada. Cynthia wanted to have her doctorate and to be a national advocate for children with special needs in Zambia.

We rounded off the show with greetings for Guests and staff at the lodge, news from the Chanters Lodge blog, our Twitter account as well as our weekly contributions on Facebook and Pinterest. Chart news from the US and UK latest pop charts is standard on the show too!

0

Scott Taylor & Aimee Aspinall Drop Kick ‘The Experience’

Milli Jam, co-host of our regular Sunday night radio show, The Chanters Lodge Experience with the Milli Jam Ingredient featuring George da Soulchild, was quick to ask our guests last Sunday “which country do you come from?” Scott and Aimee, pictured above, told listeners that they were from New Zealand, Scott from Auckland and Aimee from Dunedin. “That’s a small country near Australia that recently won the Rugby World Cup” Scott continued. Talk about getting it in early! “Where were you when that happened?” We asked this engaging couple. “Well actually I was there!” Replied Scott proudly, “and I was in London on the phone trying to make sense of what he was drunkenly trying to tell me!” Quipped Aimee. We laughed.

Our programme goes out at 18.30 hrs GMT every Sunday night on Zambezi 107.7 fm and is a cool mixture of music and chat. The show streams live on the internet too. We’re popular locally not just for the great music we play, but because we give away a dinner for two at Chanters Lodge on each show! The prize goes to the first person to text us telling us who’s singing our oldie of the week. On this particular show no-one won! Ha ha! The track I played was ‘Macarena’ by Los del Rio – everyone knew the track, no-one knew the artists. As our next show will be on Christmas Day we promised to carry forward the prize, make it easier and dinner for four people to compensate! So watch out for that one!
Scott and Aimee told listeners that they’d spent the last 7 years living in London, working but travelling whenever and wherever they could. Scott works in IT and Aimee in property management. This was their first visit to Africa and they were very much looking forward to their three week safari through Botswana, Namibia and South Africa which would start in a few days’ time ending in Cape Town. From there they would head home to New Zealand for a visit with friends and family before moving to Sydney, Australia where Scott was scheduled to take up a new appointment. “Are you married?” Milli Jam asked. “No, but he’s popped the question and I said yes!” Replied Aimee, breathless and excited!
The music on the show was cool and latest as usual. Dev featuring Enrique Iglesias with ‘Naked’ kicked off the programme back to back with Natalia Kills featuring Far East Movement and ‘Lights Out’. Local tracks were ‘My Police’ latest from Magic Links featuring K’Millian coupled with ‘Ngani i Gelo Wandi’ by Macky 2 featuring Dandy Krazy and Kanene. Milli Jam featured ‘Never Lost’ by BoB ft TI and Coldplay, back to back with Rihanna’s ‘Drunk On Love’. We wound up with T-Pain’s smash ‘5 O’Clock’ featuring Lily Allen then Sway’s ‘Still Speeding’.

Aimee told listeners about her two years working in broadcasting in New Zealand. We wanted to know how she and Scott had met and they told us it had been in a bar in Dublin where they’d both been with friends. Was it love at first sight? “Pretty much so!” They seemed to agree. They also told our listeners they were very much looking forward to having tea on Livingstone Island the following day and swimming in Devil’s Pool. They hoped it would be the highlight of their stay.

Asked where they’d like to be and what they’d like to be doing 10 years from now, this great looking, happy couple said they’d like to be back in New Zealand, running their own business and married. “Children?” We wondered. “Yeah! Why not?” Was their eventual reply! 

0

The Kandilicius Experience

Meet Kandilicius (above) and that’s just her Twitter name! Try Kandy Israelyt as she’s known on Facebook or just plain Kandi M’hango her real name. Kandi was the Guest on the most recent edition of The Chanters Lodge Experience with The Milli Jam Ingredient featuring George Kaufela da Soulchild! That’s our regular Sunday night radio show on Zambezi 107.7 fm, airing between 20.30 and 21.30 hours and streaming live on the internet. A popular show it is too, partly because we give away a dinner for 2 at Chanters Lodge with drinks every week – a prize for the first listener to text us telling us the name of the artist singing our ‘oldie of the week’ – this week the answer was Lionel Richie and the response was great!


Kandi has been a part time presenter on 107.7 fm since March this year, at the moment co-presenting Drive Time, a daily Monday to Friday show. She has a great voice for radio and loves being involved. She has two sons Cholwe and Israelyt (hence her Facebook name) she told us. Milli Jam wanted to know how she’d become involved with the radio station in the first place and Kandi explained that she’d responded to an advert on air early in 2011, advising that the station was looking for new lady presenters – she’d applied and was hired!
 
  
Wearing another hat, Kandi explained to our audience that she was deeply involved with the Empowered By Light Foundation, an NGO, in Zambia to donate solar lighting within Shangombo District in Western Province. So far the organization had donated 5000 units of solar light, as well as laptops, throughout schools, clinics and homes in the district. The NGO had apparently chosen Shangombo having seen from the statistics that only 5% of schoolchildren there passed exams at Grade 9 level. They’d surmised that this was because students were unable to study at night due to no light so they set out to fix the problem. “Awesome” we said, and meant it!
 
 
The music on the show was great. We opened with Olly Murs and his smash UK hit ‘Dance With Me Tonight’ back to back with Kelly Rowland featuring The Waves and ‘Down For Whatever’. George chose Oga Family with ‘Ball Pen’ – a long and (in some peoples’ opinion boring) track! This was coupled with K’Millian’s ‘Kakabalika’ – anything but boring. Milli Jam chose ‘Perfect Party’ from Naughty By Nature ft Fat Joe back to back with Keith Sweat’s ‘To The Middle’. Our oldie of the week was Lionel Richie’s ‘Hello’. To close we played Taio Cruz’s ‘Shotcaller’ and Sean Kingston’s ‘Love Me’.
 
 
Kandi told listeners that in the past she’d been involved with Kara Counselling counselling AIDS orphans and for a brief time had also been involved with lodge management in Livingstone. She told interested listeners that she supports Manchester United and likes Wayne Rooney (just imagine!) She’s into R&B and in particular Chris Brown and is very proud of her Zambian roots in Lundazi in the Eastern Province of Zambia and of being Tumbuka by tribe. 10 years down the road she’d like to still be broadcasting and very much involved with bringing renewable energy to rural Zambia.
 
 
She told listeners she loves Zambia and we told her our listeners love her – which they do!








0

Paul & Lesley Jenkins on Zambezi fm


Meet Paul and Lesley Jenkins (above) from Cambridge, England, guests on the latest edition of The Chanters Lodge Experience with the Milli Jam Ingredient featuring George da Soulchild – that’s our regular Sunday night radio show airing live between 20.30 and 21.30 hrs on Zambezi 107.7 fm, Livingstone’s leading local radio station, reaching a radius of about 75 kms and streaming live on the internet. (Just go to the Zambezi fm website and click ‘listen live’). Lesley and Paul were guests at Chanters Lodge and kindly agreed to appear on our show.

Lesley told listeners that she’d been in Zambia longer than Paul, as she’d been volunteering with Book Bus and went on to explain that The Book Bus aims to improve child literacy rates in Africa and South America by providing children with books and the inspiration to read them, books impart knowledge, fire the imagination and open up new horizons; they are also a tremendous source of enjoyment. The Book Bus is currently working to improve literacy rates at a community level in Zambia. She had much enjoyed her time as a volunteer.

Paul explained that he had only arrived in Zambia two days before the show but had managed to pack in a lot of activity in that short time! He and Lesley had taken the sunset cruise on Lady Livingstone the previous evening and on the morning of the show he’d taken a 15 minute microlight flight while Lesley looked on! He reported the view of Victoria Falls from the air as ‘amazing’. Before coming on the show they’d taken the rhino walk with Bwaato Adventures and had been happy to find and photograph one large rhino with its baby.

The music on the show was great. We opened as usual with ‘Candy’ by Aggro Santos ft Kim Wyatt, followed after the introductions by ‘Moves Like Jagger’ – Maroon 5 ft Christina Aguilera, back to back with ‘Don’t Wanna Go Home’ – Jason Derulo, the current UK number 1. “Up to date as usual on The Experience” I commented. Our Zambian tracks were ‘Mukondo’ by 4th Rock From The Sun coupled with ‘Move Me’ – Sobre, KRay Jay ft Salma. Milli Jam chose ‘Just A Dream’ by Nelly and Rihanna’s ‘Man Down’. We also played Flo Rida’s ‘Good Feeling’ and ‘TGIF’ by Katy Perry. The Chanters Girls rocked back at the lodge!

Paul and Lesley told listeners that Paul was a season ticket holder at Portsmouth FC in UK, that they’d been married for more than 30 years and had a son Matthew 21 and daughter Emma 24, back home in England. Paul is a banker. Lesley had recently visited Rwanda where she’d seen and been captivated watching the mountain gorillas. She’d also spent time in Mombasa,Kenya. Lesley said she’d love to volunteer again with Book Bus. She passed her greetings on to all the staff and volunteers with whom she’d worked in Livingstone, especially Kelly. The day after the show this funny and loving couple told listeners they were going to spend a week in the South Luangwa National Park.

Finally we gave away the usual dinner for two at Chanters Lodge to the first person to text us telling us which country Paul and Lesley came from. There was an excellent response some of which gave a new meaning to predictive texting as they told us the answer before we’d asked the question! Our weekly prize is very popular in Livingstone!

0

WordPerfect


Another classic from Di

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. The Help Desk employee was fired, however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’

Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect .’

Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’

Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’

Operator: ‘Went away?’

Caller: ‘They disappeared’

Operator: ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’

Caller: ‘Nothing.’

Operator: ‘Nothing??’

Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’

Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’

Caller: ‘How do I tell?’

Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’

Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’

Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’

Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type..’

Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’

Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’

Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’

Caller: ‘I don’t know.’

Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
The power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’

Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’

Opera tor: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s
plugged into the wall..

Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’

Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ‘

Caller: ‘No.’

Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.’

Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’

Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into
the back of your computer..’

Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’

Operator: ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is?’

Caller: ‘No..’

Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Caller: ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.’

Operator: ‘Dark?’

Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.’

Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’

Caller: ‘I can’t.’

Operator: ‘No? Why not?’

Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’

Operator: ‘A power …. A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff that your computer came in?’

Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..’

Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.’

Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’

Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’

Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’

Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too damned stupid to own a computer!’

0

Cars and Computers



I liked this one sent me by Judy in Australia

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash……..Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

PS – I’d like to add that when all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!

0